The roommate Blues

The search for that perfect roommate is over, and he or she is moving in. Though all of the right steps were taken to ensure the right dynamics were created, a couple days, weeks, or months into the situation, and you're ready to move out.

Your roommate doesn't help clean. They drink and party too much. They started using drugs. They aren't paying the bills. Their cooking smells. They smoke inside. The music is too loud.

Almost everyone has sung the roommate blues at one time and most people follow the same routes in dealing with them. One - do nothing; maybe the problem will just go away. Two - write a letter and tape it to the fridge, this way you are telling your roommate you're upset but don't have deal with actually telling them face to face. Three - form an alliance with another roommate. Four - move out, you don't want to deal with the situation and would rather just leave.

While all these methods could work, they never receive the expected result. The first way of handling the situation is merely wishful thinking. The problem won't go away, so confront your roommate. The second situation usually ends up only angering the other roommate. Instead of speaking to them face to face, assuming it would be uncomfortable, you write a letter. Not only have you eliminated the lines of communication, but now your roommate feels you have a problem talking to them. An alliance may help to confront the roommate, but it may be misconstrued as ganging-up. As for moving out, it may solve the problem, however, it's a lot of work and the next place may not be any better.

According to research, most roommate problems stem from not effectively dealing with problems as they occur, a lack of open communication, and a lack of respect and tolerance of the differences between two roommates. 90% of all conflicts can be resolved once roommates finally confront each other. Depending on the situation, it may be uncomfortable to talk, however, it is important, and a good learning experience with confrontation.

The first thing to do, when an issue evolves, is to talk to your roommate. Discuss your concerns, feelings, and possible solutions. Listen and compromise. Remember the golden rule; treat others how you wish to be treated in return. Act respectful and tolerant, and hopefully your roommate will return the favor.

Sometimes, a mediator needs to be involved if the problem is regarding a sensitive subject. A college student should consider talking to an RA or possibly a Head Resident. If you're a tenant in an apartment, consider talking to your landlord, or anyone who will offer nonbiased advice.

Do not let the situation build up. Talk about problems as they arise. Be flexible and honest. Consider your own behavior, are you doing things to aggravate the situation' More importantly though, agree to disagree. If a compromise cannot be made, the final option is to move out, however, most situations, if confronted, will work themselves out.

Roommate problems are inevitable. Don't cry the roommate blues. Handle conflicts maturely and correctly. Solve the situation before rash decisions are made. Don't make your life more complicated than it has to be, communicate!

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